The Run-Away Date

A year ago, I was a pompous whore who never runs out of dating schedules. My network is widely extended and for that I could easily be found. Then one day, my system just automatically shuts down. I began to obsessively superimpose every detail of it in paper. There was only one person I stayed connected with, saving the last of my sane social condition. It wasn’t bad I guess, except some of the occasional persevering efforts of my friends to remind me of the worsening condition. The dissociation has gotten far.

So a few months after the drastic change period started, I decided to entertain one among the persistents. He’s half Spanish-American, working as a Recruitment Manager in one of the companies based here in the city. It took time of knowing the essential questions I commonly ask, before I finally said yes. It was supposed to be a coffee that weekend. As soon as I got ready, he was constantly calling me letting my slowest-ass-among-humanity aware that he’s already there waiting. Every second ticking was holding me back like a paranoid crazy animal. Until I decided to turn my phone off and slept the remaining of the day. I never heard from him after. That was the last I tried within a year.

Out of some situations at hand, (maybe partially prejudiced by the last chapter of my book), I decided to end the hibernation cycle. From the usual calls and messages, I responded to one guy who has the least probable risk of whatever comes out of dating. I told him to pick me at a specific time. 30 minutes before I even got dressed, he asked for some changes in the setting. I firmly said No. I can’t imagine the annoyance I’ve felt from constant urging to agree with it. Eventually, I turned my phone off.

Now few days ago, I dreamt about hanging out with my friends and sister at the concert. I told them how happy I was being alone and single. Their faces looked weird and called me pathetic. So today, I lamented on giving it another go. Among the list, I decided to hook up with a soccer ball player from Azkals team, which I bet alot of people have known. The schedule was sudden because they have daily routine practice. He’d be traveling from Cavite which is more than an hour away from the city. I was hoping that the anxiety doesn’t slipshod how I’ve toughened up to say yes. He called and asked me to meet up at the mall instead of the coffee shop. I got only one thought–What the fuck?! I hate malls. I get panic attacks in freakin stranger-crowded malls. Back and forth texts and calls ended up in scrutinizing how rude and insensitive I was. I told him to just go back. He sent me a long message, which for some reason left me a guilt beyond realization.

I stared at my apartment wall, filled with flagrant writings of my theory. I heard myself whisper.. Fuck! I think I’ve turned into a runaway date!

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Abby Mabb

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