Day 9 and 10

The Cob Web Mentality

I must admit. I failed today. The silence in my room.. her scent..rummaged areas of my apartment that had become an evident of her naive playful deeds used against me. I could give up my solemn self to spend time with her.

So I laid anxious.. dreamy.. needing.. My back arched for human warmth to keep me sane. Few minutes after, it happened. My head started unscrambling the puzzles for answers. Is this urge a consequence of human brain’s strategic means to forget reality?.. the realness of being incomplete.. of being alone. Are those urges just a form of distraction? If it is the case, then strong will must not be enough to withstand it. An action should take place.

As most experiments, there’s always the failure and significance of changing controlled and variable factors to conduct a new one. I realized that an excess of the hormones due to suppressed physiologcal need had taken its toll on me. There are unprecedented mood swings and mind heaviness. I had occasional headaches which cannot be solely associated to changes in sexual activity patterns. In response to that, I have to establish an alternative physical activity– a 30minute workout in the morning and at night. And since most of the urges are driven by moments of emotional tantrums and sadistic sentiments, I have to find a way to lure brain activity into something more creative, (in addition to gearing away from stress-related environment).

This whole experiment started speaking to me, the way my life is right now. All the hard works and hopes went downhill like it was meant to be. But who cares. I am the blackwidow who had lived her life in faith. They can ruin my web masterpiece a million times they like, but I won’t stop making it!

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Abby Mabb

Snarly female. Occasional book reviewer.

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