The pursuit of the blackwidow brought her to the wild thickness of the forest where masked faces hid in the unknown. This is my bitter sweet dish, an appetite I hope to never crave nor savor once more. They are unclaimed broken souls desperate to feel power out of their own conscious disability and ignored wanting for human warmth. The process of classification took me time given that there are circumstances that need to be accounted for and factors considered. Writing this article, I’d have to open a saved letter I’ve written to blackwidow (and for the purpose of keeping this anonymous, the period of time had to be dismissed). My hands as I remembered it, worked like some psyched autorecorder, noting every images and feelings that come to lived that time. Like I said, every road taken is part of my never ending social studies, reason why details are scripted from the initial engagement to the last. That’s fucked up I know. I feel for you believe me. But why would someone pre-orient every encounter, leading to an end? I just know. I know my fate.. my purpose.
To satisfy your eager mind thinking what kind of shit this rambling is about, here it goes..
This night.. is no stranger but still wana remember it. Bare from all the good shit he’s good at, I finally caught him off guard. This same night, he banged my apartment door and forced me to stay the night at his place..few hours later on, he tried to kicked me out to fuck another girl. I came up to him and gave a big slap.. pushed him away and call him names. He finally gave in and came after me. He’s chasin me in the living room.. got stuck in the couch.. tried to keep a safe distance by kicking. Twice my size, I know what that fist can do. He broke my apartment door once tryin to get in… got away but eventually caught me wrestling from behind.. he tried punchin my chest while its wrapped around..used my arms to block it. He carried me up and dropped me on the floor…fell on my back. It wasn’t enough. He held my other hand flat against the floor punching me randomly on the head and stomach. I tried to get up..but strangled me with his huge fuckin arms.. neck could break if he did it tighter.. I laid completely exhausted.. head throbbing like hell.. He was surprised.. I started laughing crazily.. He laughed too thinking I was ok.. Then I said.. Fuck I knew it.. no one knows but I do.. then he replied back, you pushed me .. never done this before.. I fuckin swear.. never did this.. I got up, he was there completely looking helpless.. Even if you didn’t, you’d start doin it..It’s addictive. He tried to stop me from leaving, pulling my right arm back..came to face him..Thought, fuckin right timing.. gathered my remaining strength and gave him a big blow on the jaw. The last I could remember before leaving was his face pale as shit.
I had to keep myself from modifying the grammar errors just so you’d be aware of how my head felt like writing the note. In case you’re wondering what I did after that, as opposed to what everyone convinced me to do, the guy was never sued. I was completely satisfied affirming my assumptions, given the natural tendencies he was expected of.
I’ll be discussing here a course of physical abuse tendencies specific to another breed of men I’d prefer to call the wolf (reminds me of the same wolf who had dressed up as Red Riding hood’ s grandmother). The wolf is apart from any other animals since their aggressive nature is innate. And I have to say this because I’m assuming you’d be looking right next to your partner thinking he’s one of them. No Woman. That man knocked you down for trying to cut off his precious cock while sleeping.. or was merely just dominated by that booze you share every night. Worst, he’s been torturing his liver with hormone-induced pills to keep you satisfied. So what I’m trying to point here is that wolf has orientation much deep-rooted than any of those mentioned circumstances. You have to understand that this makeup, like any of our unbreakable shitty habits, was developed by unresolved emotions just when he’s at the early stages of becoming a full-blown human—conscious, inquisitive, responsive.. Let’s say a 5 year old kid, developing hatred towards someone he trusts, but repressed by the limitations of his age and physical ability. As an adult, he’s become aware of that urges, and like serial killers, chooses his apple for adoration. The lucky one shows unwavering commitment and dependence whether in terms of financial or emotional needs. If I am to pick them from a pack of men, I’d start by looking at those who were extremely perfect at the onset of engagement.. lavishing gifts, ridiculously caring when he’s only been with you for weeks, too careful with words so as to project the best you could imagine of him. The first symptom is verbal abuse which is often dismissed by most. Whatever comes out of that uncontrolling mouth is a manifestation of the urges, the same behavior as chewing anything that’s indispensable while craving for a smoke. Once self-assured of your dependence, he’d indulge to the nature bit by bit—a push, slap, or any calculated force.. enough to shake u but not to induce pain.. Now again, ignoring these symptoms gives him enough reasons to speculate you are his chosen object. Next stage is to take away your freedom or any possible windows for salvation. ANYONE NOT KNOWING, keeps his sanctuary safe. That gives you only one option—submission. I will not permit you to go far than those stages woman. So how do you deal with those iron hands preempting the first stage? You fight. Don’t ever shed tears for him to see. Don’t show resentment or pity. He’d wear that pretty little red hood to lure you back. I’ve relived those scenes dozen times and the moment they realized you’re not as helpless as they thought, guilt comes. He’d feel sorry that he did what he had to do but absolutely in denial that it is his nature. He’d find reasons to his actions..believe that it’s natural reaction.
It’s difficult to put my resolution into words here given that I admittedly claim contradiction of principles. The blackwidow, even in her cold shadow, sees the need for every soul to be saved. The wolf needs to be saved from his own wreckage. So if you love him enough woman, it is essential to establish an understanding of self worth beforehand, or you’d be sinking otherwise in the same ship. Lead him but keep one-kick distance until he’s ready for you.
The Real Pursuit Of The Black Widow 