Rules of Engagement- Handbook to Mistress

The Mistress. Is more than just a role. It’s a curse.

This is the only article that took me days just revising how it should be started, carefully envisioning the points and how it should come out in words. But I thought, bullshit!  This is the first time a part of me would be visible from anonymity of skewed perception (according to some friends who still don’t get me). So what I can say? I’ve been at some point, became a part of the population who gnarls on meat already taken. I despise it. The outcome though, was favorable in terms of what I thought was my purpose. But before I could go on and on listing the do’s and don’ts of what I call a mini-handbook, let’s be clear about names and terms most likely would come out as a confusion to most.

In general, a woman who consciously engage in any form of sexual or it-just-happened-relationship type of shit are often named mistress, other woman, whore, slut.. and all the pretty names you could think of. Now I’m redefining them not as a mere justification, but reasonably based on their intentions and the outcome of such actions. To me, there are only two classifications of them—the mistress and the weak Mary’s.  So  again, the weak M’s are the sluts, whores, another woman, etc.,  who desires and own another’s life without regards to other people concerned. These are baffled by insecurities who believe that commitment is a race or competition.  The mistress understands her purpose, realizes that beyond pain comes the value of life and so she imposes such on those she had chosen.

Famous mistresses left a mark by influencing the tides of political history since the dawn of social organization. What this means is that fate had chosen them, the same way that they are connivingly drawn to their purpose. A mistress is a lonely soul who had embraced the rule to never love, or if not, bury their subconscious weeping in honor of justice. It sounded like a hypocrite right there, talking…pretentious.. self assuming that every subjects held onto her hands are gathered without resentment and real pain. Even so, she’s resurrected one after another.

Now you have to be aware that he came to you because he picked you. But we have to wonder how a married man does it, given that he manages to become honest and still get what he wants. The thing is, his honesty comes as a bitter pill.. Ridiculous as it may appear but it gives comfort and then tempting enough to obey trust. One man told me once that there are two ways to luring women—desire for a physical attachment and then for women of a bigger challenge, the warming of a cold heart. He’d listen.. stand by your twisted thoughts.. make you believe that there’s only one soul who understands. For that, a mistress should take in another face everytime she engages. When he walks out of that door, her old self takes over, lamenting on what this another days means to women. She should know herself better than anyone.

Making him believe that you trust, earns his trust too. Giving in, softened as a damp soil from his taste and touch gives him power to think that he has it. He’d want more. You’ll show little resistance, and to that effect, he’ll put more will and efforts to completely own you. In time, your will withers, hypnotized by that sweet feeling..then, doubting your own purpose comes.. doubting that his love means more than what you believe in. I will tell you to never doubt. Your learning is a process and when heart tickles your strength, you need to put it to test. Demand more than what he can give. And he will promise you.. sure he will..everything that a woman is made of.. a ring, a house, a family.. He will find a way to break your dreams.  Not to end it out of possible risks, (oh, he’s definitely not done yet!), but to send you a message… that you should remain tamed, settled, contented by the limitations of what he’s able to give. A mistress knows when to say goodbye. This should be time for goodbye. Though there are other implications that need to be considered besides this.

Let go when you’re starting to hope and wonder. There’s no other side of this situation but broken lives and irreversible broken spirits (and I’m talking about young lives being involved). Let go when she’s close to walking out on him. When she fights for her family, that gives him more freedom.. the truth one should know is that he’d always come after the one drifting away. He paces still, self-assured by women who beg for his attention. It is part of the essentials to NEVER shed a tear on goodbyes. Not to let him see at least. He has to realize that the woman waiting by his door, who bore his own blood is the only one.. the one who will save him from the seed of pain and alone-ness.

At some point, you’ll be exhausted, seeing that woman I most often recognize before that mirror. I want to stop..But the principles live through me. Those walls consumed to keep us from breaking more…I reckon, mine is a brick of isolation… whose heart had learned to stop beating. And this I share to women whom I’d swore to protect from those shilling words of promises.

Owe this article on this note left on my desk a long time ago,

“Paalam na Mel. Minahal Kita. Kaibigan pa rin tayo.”

So I replied back through my journal,

“I hope you won’t miss this soon enough because it’s gona be more difficult for you in time. With all the sincerity, at least for a moment, I have loved your care… But I can’t stand being in it for long I had to make it happen. Don’t look at me. Don’t chase me. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t cry. I did you a favor by crying. You’ll see a different me otherwise. I’m being nice now for doing that.. so long, I’d have to move on to the next one..” you could imagine how he did after that.


Leave a comment


  1. I really enjoyed this. These are the type of insights into the mature feminine mind that I prefer.

    • Thanks! This is the most read article, popularly unattractive for some women though. Feminism or any other philosophy should be practical and relevant.

  2. stiletosandmore

     /  July 10, 2012

    “you could imagine how he did after that.”… i really like this last part but curious at the same time. how did he do after that?

    • he came back wanting to leave his family.. I could imagine how he’s planning to orchestrate his deed..i shut him off..wife found me (which is always the case).she was putting a psychological putdown to tear me off..tried to warn her of his real nature but didn’t listen..few months after, when the guy stopped at me, he was after another woman for the show.

  3. toogoodtoobebitch

     /  May 25, 2012

    Sorry too! But what i meant by saying “You are writing on this blog to give advise to women. Don’t let them be in pain caused by you” was that by being a mistress, you yourself hurt another woman, a wife. And who the hell knows if she’s over with the pain now. This blog is so informative. I really appreciate you writing your inputs. It’s just that, sorry to be blunt black widow but practice what you preach. Don’t hurt another woman by being a mistress..

    • I embrace learning and admire your will to fight for your rights.. My past is just some bits in the puzzle.. you and among others are my inspiration. Thank you!

  4. toogoodtoobebitch

     /  May 24, 2012

    I was once cheated by my husband. It caused so much pain. I guess, it affected me psychologically. And reading this article brought so much pain. I just want you to know my friend that in every husband, there is a wife (and kids too). They always go hand in hand. They are bonded by love and by law. Even a day of infidelity makes a wife cry for a year. You are writing on this blog to give advise to women. Don’t let them be in pain caused by you.

    • I’m sorry but the article was not meant to hurt women.. I was in both positions at some point which helped me assume roles and emotions at hand objectively. I’ve known mistresses who are plagued by emotions than reasoning, which makes it a difficult task to put a sense of logic and moral in their actions. What it really comes down to is an imminent fact about men; no matter how driven by natural urges go back to what gives him security after a period of exploring.. unless the wife can’t take him back anymore.. I appreciate your input in this article.


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