Someone told me I have a dual personality. It’s not the first time I’ve heard of it. Not that I keep a list of first impressions, among other things that have been said such as smart, arrogant, funny, weird, cute (that’s beside the arrogant part), the “dual thing” doesn’t really fascinate me. It’s a lame excuse for association to the Blackwidow persona of my writings and for not fully understanding my orientation. I am fully me and there’s no distinct differentiation of personalities living in one body. I don’t know if the “talking inside my head” can be psychologically accounted to such disorder but I would like to think that I am capitalizing on the limitless brain capacity.
The Blackwidow isn’t really my idea. I have kept most of my writings in a secret journal while posting bits of my stories in Facebook. People were encouraging me to set up a blogsite and quite frankly, I was fond more of traditional pen writing. Then I thought it’s about time to release some of the raging. I didn’t want to put out a name which leads to finding a masterful anonymous character. My sister who has known my distasteful history for a long time but has no interest in seeing my writings blurted out that she reminds me of the Blackwidow (I had no idea what it was!). While doing my research, I was already aware of how it’s going to impact my social and dating escapades. I didn’t give a shit though. The outcome is astonishingly the opposite of expectation.
You have to understand that I have only allotted an insignificant energy to pituitary. Most of my energy are consumed exploring on what deems practical. Because of that, a momentary rush of emotions could be explosive.
Honestly, I try to limit the creativity in public for safety. The rest of ideas are passing morons that should be ignored and some kept in cryptic exposition. While making little money on writing travel articles in www.infobohol.ph and legal content for online divorce services in Texas, my novel gets a big chunk of it. The story is the only world where I can lament on my innate character. Let’s say Mikolai set out a flying gear to spy on an illegal shipment of hypnotic drug in one of the private ports in Davao. CIA had observed manufacturing of this drug commonly in Communist countries that are produced according to their by-the-book policies. The hypnotic drug, along with opium and cocaine regulated and originally shipped to US and Europe has to be transported to another point of entry. What this has to do with the church leader political influences and human trafficking will be up to my twisted novel.
The next few weeks, I’d be a certified French speaker commoner saying a le semain prochaine in goodbyes. This a passive rant towards those who have assumed wrong. Of course I am weird. I would say the same thing to everyone who leads a secret life in their heads. Just because I’m not out there living and behaving normally doesn’t make me a threat or psychologically incapacitated. The general subjective characterization of my personality will not at all, in any way, motivate me to change or come out from invisibility. I feel sorry though that one aches to feel but not able to touch.. because that’s just WHO I am.